Sedona Retreat Stories

A weekly column about the adventures and insights that come from living in Sedona or as I call it--The Magic Kingdom!

Two Cups and Deserving

This is a story that has been long overdue and two beautiful coffee cups finally ignited the telling of this tale. Last year on my 25th sobriety anniversary I decided I was going to buy myself a present. For years I have wanted a plasma or LCD flat panel television–who doesn’t! So I did a lot of research and finally decided which one I wanted–it was more money than I have ever spent on myself! Then I went into a stall.  I didn’t realize it at the time, but that old poverty consciousness flashed out, that old feeling of not deserving. So more researching, more arithmetic. My goodness, it was my 25th sobriety anniversary! What could be more at the top of the list of deserving than that?
Like most people I have struggled financially in my life. But after years of trying to understand the power of manifestation I broke through and my success had finally come. There was no question I could afford this big present to myself but I held back. It took three months until something in me clicked, something inside that said it’s time to own your success and stop worrying that it will suddenly be taken away. I not only bought an LCD flat panel but I bought the best of the best!  I have gotten so much enjoyment out of this television–it was worth every dollar. It’s a wonderful feeling to really enjoy something you bought for yourself.  I feel so grateful that I allowed myself to give myself something–make sense, brothers and sisters?
But the story didn’t end there, it happened again almost one year later.  Nine months ago, I spotted a beautiful teak desk from Denmark–way out of my price range–and I mean way out!  Now, in my meeting with my accountant in early December she suggested that it might be time to finally furnish that home office that I had been threatening to do.  I am sure you know what I mean. So, I looked all over Phoenix and then on the internet, but couldn’t find anything–and kept going back to the teak desk.  I’m saying in my head, “Greg, don’t even think about it.”  I could hear my mother saying, “What? Are you kidding?”  Even though I know in her heart she appreciated my taste! Well, in the end I made the leap, because I’d rather spend it on this special desk than give it to you know who.
And again, I am so happy I bought it. Every day when I walk into my office I just smile at its beauty, its organic quality and elegance. The wood fits me. When I was struggling, and I mean really broke, I dreamed of having special things around me, things that I would cherish and appreciate.
Two days ago I was in Starbucks in Phoenix. I was waiting for my coffee and I noticed this beautiful blue coffee cup. I thought, “That cup is me.” I have this thing about blue! And for the briefest of seconds it didn’t occur to me that I could buy it. Old habits die hard! And then I thought, “Go ahead, brother–it’s ok, you can have it, its ok.” And so I bought two! I could feel my spirit inside smiling.
Of all the stories I have written, this has been one of the hardest to write. I know many of you have had these feelings and I want to encourage you to leap and let go of the old thinking and be good to yourself, maybe spoil yourself a little. It can be two simple cups or a big TV. The act of being nice to yourself is what’s really important and of having faith in what your spirit desires. You can’t go wrong doing that, brothers and sisters.
A Ho,

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