Compassion for Self
In the last week, I have been working on compassion for myself but not in my present-day adult life but in the life of my inner-child. I called a healer/medical intuitive friend about some physical discomfort I was having. She picked up an incident that happened in my childhood that I was completely unaware of. A note on that dynamic: Sometimes in a session with clients I will clairvoyantly receive information about their childhood that seems completely off the mark to the client. I always encourage them to be in a place of inquiry about this information and not discount it. There is enough documentation in the traditional mental health community to confirm that we forget quite a bit of what happened in our childhood.
So, I took this information my friend gave me and began to explore. What she told me is of highly personal nature so please forgive me for not speaking about it specifically. First, I made contact with that little 3-year-old boy inside me and was shocked to see he was very upset (sobbing). I asked him what was wrong. He said that he tried to do what his mom (my mom) said but he couldn’t! I could see he was punishing himself. It doesn’t feel good when you see yourself when you were three and you are beating up on yourself. Then it becomes a parenting process but a different kind of parenting that I think most of has experienced.
First I mirrored his feelings and tried not to tell him, “It’s ok, it’s ok”. Instead I said, “You really feel bad about not being able to do what mom said-is that right?” Then validate: “I could understand you feeling bad about that”. Then empathize: “It must be really hard to feel like you disappointed mom.” Then you listen and more listening. I asked him what he really needed. Of course, a big hug! I could see he was calming down a bit just by having his feelings acknowledged.
I went on a hike and I keep him close to me, pointing out cool things I noticed and just being in my child-like spirit. “Wow, look it how big that butterfly is! Did you see that?” He nods! I can seem him shifting his mood but I also sense it’s going to take time so I don’t try to rush him. When I feel his mood has returned to that natural little boy happiness, I tell him, “I know you tried very hard to do what mom said. I think if you don’t try so hard it will happen. you know, everyone has difficulty with it.” He says, “Really?” “Yup, and I think Mom is doing her best but innocently put a little too much pressure on us and that we need to forgive her.” He asks me a few questions and I listened very hard and answered them.
I kept him close to me that day and the next (which is today) in fact he sitting right here with me watching me write this! I think, like me, he wants the little boys and girls inside us to be at peace, to know they are loved, to know they have done nothing wrong. I turn to him now and ask him, “Is that right?” He nods his head adamantly, his eyes hopeful. I keep telling him that I love him and that whatever he needs to always tell me, that I will always be here for him “I go, you go. You go, I go.” This is big wound in him and it’s going to take time to heal. Patience and more patience and to keep checking in with him are the keys.
As I spell-check this column, he looks puzzled at the mechanism of it and says to me, “You mean, we don’t have to know how to spell now?” I say,”Yeah, cool, huh!”